So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
