Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I did not marry a roomba.
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