Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
