omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."