Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.