so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF