I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.