Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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