dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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