I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
