Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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