There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
