What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
