Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
