he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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