Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
