not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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