everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
