Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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