you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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