margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
