i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize