I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
