i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
