Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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