You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
