Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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