I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
