all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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