Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
