Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
