the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder