I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
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Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"