I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably