I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks