Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.

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  (972): she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick. http://tfl.nu/7fj1
  Replies (16) Good night (5709) Bad night (734)
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  (707): View more from California

  yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.

  (1-707): View more from California

  you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you

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  (707): yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her. (1-707): you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you http://tfl.nu/2wdi
  Replies (15) Good night (901) Bad night (5264)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.

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  (610): so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried. http://tfl.nu/cyhc
  Replies (12) Good night (1065) Bad night (5134)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.

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  (636): The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania. http://tfl.nu/yocg
  Replies (15) Good night (3619) Bad night (1087)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.

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  (902): I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence. http://tfl.nu/pvbz
  Replies (11) Good night (5488) Bad night (969)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?

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  (307): How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots? http://tfl.nu/gvsx
  Replies (13) Good night (3783) Bad night (1063)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions

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  (813): I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions http://tfl.nu/060m
  Replies (6) Good night (2496) Bad night (999)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.

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  (773): Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets. http://tfl.nu/4kdw
  Replies (11) Good night (893) Bad night (3011)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.

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  (617): she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax. http://tfl.nu/m9dz
  Replies (3) Good night (1321) Bad night (960)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes

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  (520): Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes http://tfl.nu/y839
  Replies (3) Good night (1502) Bad night (773)
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  (760): View more from California

  Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.

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  (760): Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back. http://tfl.nu/zq1q
  Replies (1) Good night (920) Bad night (415)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.

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  (630): I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track. http://tfl.nu/9q0f
  Replies (1) Good night (493) Bad night (596)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.

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  (231): I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/j7wr
  Replies (4) Good night (699) Bad night (444)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.

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  (954): Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice. http://tfl.nu/h7nm
  Replies (0) Good night (605) Bad night (328)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  It's rum buckets o'clock

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  (815): It's rum buckets o'clock http://tfl.nu/iem5
  Replies (1) Good night (524) Bad night (226)

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