Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
