I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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