Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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