so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
