Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
