I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize