how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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