the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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