In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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