The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were trust falling into bushes
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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