There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
