You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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