Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
