that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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