it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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