Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
