we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
