this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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