he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
