Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
