Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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