My underwear smells like fireworks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
