my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
