I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
