Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
