Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
