Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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