I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
