I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
