He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
