Your face is a jimmy john
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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