That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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