i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
