jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
