wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize