Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
