there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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