I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
