I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
