This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Everyone says I win the strip club
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
