Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
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If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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