omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
