She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
