Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
