Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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