spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
